Vulnerability is a MF

How many of us hide to get undressed in front of others .. or will step into another room…. Then we have that home girl who will take that bra off in front of someone she met 2 hours ago 🙂. Or if they are comfortable enough , they will get undressed with a drink in their hand, and not miss a beat right .

Vulnerability can be a Mother Fucka for some of us it’s like second nature, to spew all our thoughts out. And then for others it’s almost like a cloak . Where you hold close to it hoping it protects you from every single feeling .. bliss , disappointment, excitement, even the pure form of happiness. Being vulnerable with others is like playing Russian roulette .. step to that line and not knowing how it’s going to play out. Will we be understood , will our feelings be protected , how will be perceived , what we are trying to convey , is it being ingested correctly.. is it the right time , is it the right person , will rejection follow . And at this MOMENT.. right here I PAUSE . In this moment I second guess all of my whys .. In this moment , my first instinct is to clamp up , step away from the line and place the cloak back on why because it feels SAFE . Feeling Safe isn’t always fucking safe , see when you get vulnerable it’s not about what you are winning in life .. it’s really about what you SUCK AT .. what you are terrified off .. peeling off layer at a time and it can get a pretty ugly . A lot of us are scared of it ..exposing ourselves to ourselves !!! Listen i know for a fact voicing your emotions can bring you to shambles and easier to keep your thoughts in your head . They can be jumbled up but it still feels safe right . Why does one know this , instead of sharing my thoughts on just paper or journaling it . I was asked to read it out loud and just know I was sick to my stomach every single session . I felt exposed and with each session the tears were there , the fear was there but I felt safe . Being able to stand there butt ass Naked with my shortcomings, downfalls & straight out failure . Communicating my doubts & fears on paper .. journaling I learned to do because the fear of rejection . Saying it out loud let’s just say it wasn’t easy at all .. But is staying in that head really protecting you or is it hurting you ? .. when you conjure up the nerves to say it out loud what’s the worst, that can happen , maybe rejection , maybe not feeling hurt , maybe you are met with a blank stare . A lot of maybes huh ??…. But what if you are met with concern or more questions that can assist not only you but your person , your loved one 🖤. This possibly can lead to a road , it can be windy , potholes , even detours but it’s heading somewhere .

So YES REJECTION CAN HAPPEN ..but you gotta fall in love with LOSING .. there is beauty to it .. removing those garments and just getting NAKED /VULNERABLE ABOUT YOU & YOUR FEELINGS . .. Instead of being stuck in YOUR HEAD .. WIN OR LOSE.. a first step has to happen 🖤