Can you love you at your worst 🖤🖤.

Is that even a thing .. when couples get married right and that famous line is . “For better or for worse , till death do us part” Now in that moment usually I’m looking for the quiver of the lips . Checking to see if the couple is cringing , sweating or blissfully staring at each other . Ahhhhhh love is such a beautiful thing and then there is the cake 🧁.. I love cake.

Now, I myself have been in spaces with loved ones , friends and even family , where you love them no matter what ...with the up and up , there is also the down and down . Usually we can spot certain faulty moves with others and still truly love them .. even if you throw In a little fence , lil gate ,a lil boundary . Because say it for the people In the back boundaries are necessary even for ourselves .

My question is when do we count ourselves in for the better or for the worst . When do we bring ourselves to the table I’m going to amplify the worst part 😖😖 .. yup I’m heading there .. andddd now I am there now 👀. I , you , us, we aren’t perfect , even though we may think we have it figured out and we are solid in those spaces . Spaces and situations bring out the best and the worst out of us. . Putting myself on the chopping board here.. I wrote down not such great stuff about myself . For instance I have a motto on I don’t need to share my left with my right .. meaning not everything I HAVE to share with a significant person ... I’m not saying I won’t but I don’t HAVE TO.. see what I’m doing there is covering my ass *just in case* but remove the bs it’s straight out dishonesty & deceptive. Unintentional or Intentionally that can still hurt a partner or even myself . This is a defense mechanism, which I am currently working on & through 😐.

Example two, I , myself would consider myself a great communicator , very practical , concise , very direct. When actually In tough spaces I tend to lash out , shut down , redirect,deflect and it usually is because of fright .

The definition of fright : Something strange , ugly or shocking 💣💣💣💣💣. Unexpected fright happens right , feeling blindsided we sometimes will retreat but in some spaces we also know our not so great parts of ourselves . Here is where I know for a fact I Double Dutch like a MF. We want others to take us “As I Am” , LOVE ME FOR ME type or energy. Those same traits we can’t stand , so we either bury it , Act like it doesn’t exist , conditionally treat it .. when it’s convenient for us , on our timeline and we get to determine the duration 🙃🙃 of how long we wanna deal with it .

Tough love with ourselves is necessary for growth .. sitting with your bullshit is necessary .. I didn’t say sit in it .. see sitting beside or staring at it, causes you to have to deal with it. See self love , Self Preservati🖤n is not always going to be pretty, not at all times. It’s facing parts of you that you don’t want to expose , not even to you . It’s that crying where it physically is hurting from the pits of your stomach . But you have to sit with it , look at it , feel it and want to work at it . Working at it maybe writing it down , switch your phone off and journal. Read it out loud , I have done it , this isn’t speaking negative about yourself or known better as “negative talk “ . Other options, find someone you possibly feel safe with or better known as a “safe space” you can just talk to ,give them all your feels. For me that’s my mom and my therapist . Why them , I don’t get the “oh no you aren’t like that” it’s more of “ why do you feel this way about yourself” . I provide examples of my wrong doings or how situations weren’t handled in the best way ... you have to be honest with you about YOU. This is literally handling your shit .. again Is not an over night fix but continuously trying to be better but that comes with admitting your downfalls. Whatever you do be intentional with you about you, cause we showing love around here including ourselves . Even if it’s the ugly cry love .. somebody has to do it.

🖤🖤